i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
