Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
