I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
