Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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