apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
