i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
