They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ttyl tear gas
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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