You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
