just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
