Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
