Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
