Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
