I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
