You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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