My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
