She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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