Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
