Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i was born a porn star she said
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize