Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
