its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
