So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize