You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
