So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
