would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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