So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize