Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
