mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
