Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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