The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He passed out mid-signature
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
