How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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