so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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