I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
