you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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