remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize