Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
