Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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