It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
