We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
