"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
