I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
