hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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