I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
