ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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