my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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