somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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