i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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