Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
