Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
