I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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