Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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