Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I deserve this hangover.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
