We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
