She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was born a porn star she said
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
