Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
