Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
why is half of my head shaved?
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