we're chasing vodka with high fives
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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