How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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