Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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