I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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