If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
