As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
