i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize