so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
