just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
