If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
