i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
